• Kidnapper: Get in the fukin van
  • Me: Oh ok cool
  • Kidnapper: Wut
  • Me: This is a febreze commercial right
  • Kidnapper: Wut
  • Me: Smells pretty shitty in here to me tbh

lordofthejohnlock:

my celebrity crushes always start with “who the hell is this” and always turn into “that’s his right nostril I can tell”

speedlimit15:

*pronounces “hors d’oeuvres” as “horse divorce”*

if im going to teach my kids anything valuable it will be the hierarchy of destinys child